I fear this is going to be a long, incoherent ramble, but often that’s when I write… when I have ideas, reflections and realisations whizzing through my mind, often when I’ve given myself time to just ‘be’.
This August, I granted myself “time off”, however, even when we rest and take time away from work lessons are still being learnt.
So many things floated to the surface once I had granted myself space and a slower pace. I would judge myself harshly for still being tired, a common symptom I’m realising a lot of us have after the last year and a half. I found myself half way through August, reacting to my second jab, with rather aggressive period pains and the need to lie down for three days. My mind and thoughts would weave their way through moments of calm, rest, compassion and then a harsher voice of judgement, anxiety for not rallying quickly enough, and how can I take this time off when there is still stuff to do?!
Truth is, there will always be something to do, places to be, money to earn… but this idea of earnt rest vibrates through my body and mind, and I am still dancing the dance with it.
A busy week? Ahhhhh Sunday, we/I can rest… hurrah!
Tuesday afternoon… body hits a slump, my eyes grow heavy, the battle I have to take a nap sometimes is laughable. But on the days when I’m leaning into the space of EXPLORING and being INQUISITIVE instead of judgement, I lie down, set my alarm for ten minutes and rise feeling, most days, much better.
That’s what I wanted to touch on today, I believe the moon brings light to the things we need to pay attention to. If you don’t feel a connection to this type of belief system it’s still a lovely thing to do. Reflect. Learn. Grow.
Sometimes things within my relationship come up, light is shed on a boundary I should’ve perhaps put in place, a chance to acknowledge the times I’ve felt unsure, uneasy and dig a little deeper, perhaps reflecting on the past or tuning in, what is the truth? What Is my intuition telling me? Where can I honour my needs?
I found a strong presence this full moon to release Judgement, Fear(every full moon I’m currently releasing this!!), Control and Unease… I pondered on this for a while and thought of children, when they look at their reflection, it’s often with a sense of wonder, exploring, curiosity. When do we lose this? When do the western voices of the media tell us we aren’t enough, we strive for a made up perfection. Not only physically by mentally, affecting our work, our relationships and our internal voices. So, for me, I’m diving in, the work of self love for me is long, hard, gritty, wonderful, painful, maddening… but it’s a choice… I witness the thoughts that come up, the way I might talk to myself and wonder where those words originated and whether I can replace them with intrigue…
Releasing judgement doesn’t mean we waft through life, taking no responsibility for ourselves, our action’s, never observing ourselves, the true teachings of yoga is quite the opposite. But I keep thinking the west has taken these teachings of yoga and turned it into perfectionism… I ‘should’ be downing green juices everyday, hiking up mountains, plunging myself into cold water, meditating for two hours, standing on my head for 10 minutes etc etc. All these things are wonderful, but when I do them, am I doing them for a place of curiosity, of want or because I’m feeling bad or crap about myself?
I warned you this was a ramble… but what I’m trying to say, is think how it could make you feel if you switched up judgement for explore(ment??)…
· Stop for a moment and take a breath, think of a time you often pass judgement on yourself or possibly others.
· How would it look and feel to explore it instead?
· Find that word, or phrase you might say to yourself(often it’s incredibly harsh and we might use words we would never say to a friend on ourselves). Eg: If it’s ‘God I need to do some exercise, I’m so lazy/fat/stupid/not good enough… how could you explore that, inquire, revisit… Also reframing it, “I want to go for a run so I’ll feel great!”
· Try it for today, when you notice a judgement, however small, dig a little deeper and find the truth within… when I’m doing this I also draw in the mantra of “I want my body, mind and spirit to feel good”.
For me, I pass judgement on my appearance everyday(hey, I’m on the yoga journey too, releasing the ego is like trying to clean a hand covered with honey without any water), but what happens when I stop and witness that thought, the harsh word I might use, the judgement I’ve passed… instead, reflect truthfully… perhaps I’m feeling bloated and heavy because I need to get in the sea for a swim, maybe I just need a couple of glasses of water, or even to call my best friend. Because I want to FEEEEEEL GOOOOOOOOD.
There is deep truth within each judgement that rattles into our mind, it could be a distraction from what really needs our attention, it could be an old narrative that is still defining us and not serving us in the slightest. Keeping us trapped in a place that stagnates our growth.
It could be perfectionism showing it’s ugly head again, stealing joy, taking love, and covering the light. I’m not saying don’t strive, but the more I learn, the more I realise this is the root of so much suffering. When you judge yourself, who and what are you comparing yourself to? Be the best YOU can be, (not Deborah down the road who always seems to have it together, but probably has a little cry in the bath from time to time too). Hold onto the deeper truth behind each of your actions, I move my body because I want to. Because it feels wonderful. I rest, lie down, when I need to, because I’m tired. Because it feels wonderful.
This has been a long one. Hopefully coherent and helpful.
You are all doing wonderfully. You are all brilliant. If all else fails, just imagine me popping into your head telling you how absolutely smashing you are.
All my love.