It's been a while since I've felt able to write a rambling blog post, but this week I wanted to share.
Sound is an integral part of my life now, it almost feels like I can't remember a time that I DIDN'T use sound to make me feel healed, whole and good.
I sometimes get asked, when I hold space for others in the form of a Soundbath, do I get the same experience while playing. The answer is no, but it is a meditation, I try to draw in what the people or person needs in that moment, through which bowls I play or how I lead the session. I call on what is needed to facilitate an energy healing. I might spend more time on the Gong, or linger more with the hammered bowls. I am still in a mediative state as I focus on what I'm doing, my thoughts might come in, then I let them go and focus back on the Sound.
I will say, rather candidly, I can feel when those in the space are a little resistant or nervous, but then when they soften, it creates a wonderful shift of energy that is felt within the room and influences how I play the instruments. The etherial tethers linking us all as we rest and work with sound.
I went to a Sound healing last week, with a wonderful guide, Siobahn. Just like Yoga, it is important I keep practicing myself, practice what you preach, complete the circle and all that good stuff. I thought I would share my journey through my own treatment last week, I had emailed Siobahn before, as I knew quite clearly what I needed from the session and she was supportive in providing me the best environment to do that.
Recently the right side of my body has been holding tension. There are many physical reasons for this. Driving, towing a caravan, moving my mouse-pad for hours while I edit the website. But also because it's my masculine side, I've been spending quite a lot of time in 'go mode' doing, pushing, trying, striving. And also, and most probably the biggest reason is I miss my Dad. I have a distinct lack of masculine presence in my life. I do not have a partner, and my brother is a little journey away. And it's important, I feel, that we listen to the messages of our body, the stories being played out and healed. I come from a yoga background, so I believe strongly in the balance of energies within the body, and the physical form telling us what's truly going on underneath it all.
I also knew I needed time with my heart, I've been feeling lighter, more myself in recent months, but I think it's wonderful to keep on healing, perhaps never reaching a place of 'ok, I think I'm done'(I mean I've done that before and the Universe had other plans!). Oh the heart is a hard place to reach sometimes, especially when we've had to navigate quite a lot, the modern world doesn't really allow much space for the quiet, vulnerable heart, so we can build layers, to protect ourselves. But I find with sound, there is no hiding, it will hold us, help us and unfold us if we let it.
My physical body was very present during the first part of the practice, edges softening, underside of the body getting heavier and letting go. But my body resisted the vibrations about 20 minutes in, especially the right side, it pushed back and was slightly uncomfortable for a moment, but I let out a breath and let go, and slipped even further into a deeper state of awareness. I felt cradled in a giant spacious bowl, soft purples and greens resonating through the space. I had visions of bark, branches, things being pulled back and regrown. My head tingled, my bones felt heavy and I was no longer my body, my name, my physical self.
This might all sound quite full on, but I think there's truth in vibrations, sound and the self. They have started using soundwaves to heal bones and mend hearts. Sound, rhythm, patterns are ancient and intrinsic to being human. The more you practice with sound the deeper you go. I make a point of listening to a Sound recording twice a week, through decent headphones, sure the vibrations aren't present but it still helps the brainwaves regulate and the chatter stop or slow down.
The world seems frantic at the minute, the pace has upper itself again, and to take an hour for myself to be held and truly seen by Siobhan was magical. My healing journey has and will be a long one. I'd like to share, that I do not encourage healing to get to a state of perfection, or that you're full of toxins and need to be cleansed, which can often been a strong narrative coursing its way through the wellness industry. But to enable more moments of profound peace and joy. Life is hard, the older we get the more we have to learn, through loss or change. But the fact we are here, in this magical world, where nature is astounding, love is present and it's an absolute gift we've been granted this time. If I can help you feel the true essence of being human, ever just for a bit, then I've done my job.
As I wrote this I reflected on my relationship with music and sound. Rhythm has always guided me through my life, when I was 2/3 years old I would dance along to the rhythm of a canal boat engine, I started dancing as soon as I could, and started singing when I was 7, my voice being a way to help me express myself and communicate my sensitive soul. Music and sound has guided me through my whole life, and probably thanks to my family and parents allowing it to be seen, nurtured and expressed with no judgement. I feel like the many aspects of me are starting to blend and come together, the cruise ship singer in her 20's and healer in my 30's, finally finding some peace working together and residing within me as one. So perhaps, from this you can take a moment to reflect and see how rhythm and music, sound has been in your life and how you can invite more of it in?
I will say, one soundbath is not going to 'fix' you, or solve everything. But one soundbath, will hopefully help you sleep, rest, feel love and connection. If you make sound a regular part of your life, you will deepen your knowledge of yourself. You will reduce your anxiety. Improve your relationships and heal ancestral wounds.
Well, there you have it. A ramble about Sound and a bit about my journey.