I think many of us who want to show up, with an honest open heart, also find it terrifying to do so.
For a while now I have a sign from my wisdom cards with the word 'vulnerability' sitting on my book case, as I wander along my corridor I take a glance, and am reminded that in this space magic can happen. But not everything is incense sticks, deep breaths and feelings of peace.
To get to those places we first, more often than not, have to tread through the mud, swim the deepest oceans and pull ourselves up. Again and again.
For being in that space of authenticity is really very scary. We show the parts of ourselves that feel ugly, uncomfortable and broken.
I find myself still having to catch the old habits, the people pleasing or over working, the spinning plates and feeling like I have to have complete control of things otherwise the world I've created will implode. Of course, fear based thinking equals restrictive living. there is value in some of this, yes, I do have to be an adult and manage things well, otherwise there is a strong chance the s**t will hit the fan. But to what extent?
Recently, the media and the current state of the world inflamed my residing fear, I carry a lot of fear and worry, for it has been handed down to me through generations. Plus is a way we've been taught to live in the West, if you read the news, there is everything to be afraid of. I started to get worried about money(more so than usual!) as we all did, I contracted, was problem solving, but slipped into lack mentality, and sure enough, almost like a joke; bills started appearing on my door step, money owed(that I didn't owe) as a result I then had to spend hours on the phone fixing it, rather than putting my energy into nurturing myself and the business(which you can argue would have generated the cash I was worried about!). Whether you believe it or not, this is my experience, the minute I call in that mentality of 'losing it all', the energy of that actions and thought responds. It plays out in real time. A turning point for me was when a 2 year old electric bill dropped onto the door mat, which I had paid off, I turned my face and heart to the skies and said 'RIGHT, ENOUGH... I HEAR YOU, I SEE YOU AND IT'S ENOUGH'
For if we have to learn the same lesson 100 times, the powers at be, will facilitate it.
I love synchronicity, I found myself listening to a podcast and they reminded me of the power of mantras and affirmations, I've had a dalliance with intentions and affirmations, they've been key in my yoga practice and teachings but have somehow not leaked into the rest of my life. But after 2 years of pandemic, then this turbulent year of change and worry. I needed something stronger, like a solid anchor, or deeper set of roots to bring me back, time and again. I don't like feeling adrift, I hate feeling scared and worried about myself. Trying to steer this business through the rocky waters of the economic crisis. So it's began, learning the words to my morning mantra, finding my voice as I sing louder with my bowls. And I'm feeling better, my heart has more hope and inner strength to keep forging forward, trusting that people will come to rest, to heal and find calm at Echo.
I have been sitting with all these thoughts this October, I have been still chasing my tail, and not really resting, I think many of us our hustling. I write these posts and recording my instagram rambles in the hopes you won't feel so alone if your experience is similar.
So I wanted to offer as a reflection. What do you need to do to feel better? Why don't you do it? How could you do it? Could it be a tiny action? A releasing of old stories... or perhaps acknowledging a big truth or wisdom point.
I try to tread the path of 'spirituality being a cure all' carefully. It's not for everyone and sometimes when we are 'doing the work' or just our very best to survive, there's a chance that meditation, yoga or sound won't help. but maybe it will.
Maybe it's not about feeling Euphoric, but taking small steps to lift yourself back up. To feel better takes dedication, takes action, connection, love, self worth and a HUGE amount of bravery.
Are you carrying more than you need to? why... How do you want to feel and what can you do to take the steps towards that place.
There is never a finish line, for the minute you think you've nailed it, things will unfold and ask you to rise even further up.
Keep on taking care of you, keep on talking, moving your body, breathing deeply, and doing what you can. But also, maybe, grant yourself the permission to live a lighter life, full of love and buoyancy.
For as I often say, we get this one life, this gift.