I stand by the doors
warmth pooled by my feet
fear is fleeting as I reach
hand touching ringed handle
do I need to knock
heart beating steadily - a held breath
does she want me to come in
will I be welcomed
perhaps, within this I do not wish
for things to be revealed
The movement is heavy, a sweep of the earth
bright light soothes me, calling
a pull at my ankles, I'm free
to enter, I am, my own
and will away judgement
She's been here all along
with a song. I do not listen.
forgive me for my distractions
a small, whisper, dancing on the wind
There is warmth, a wrapping
against my tense frame
relax, fall, she calls
with that I blur
what if it hurts, what if I'm lost
dry, low, she sings
with it's beauty, joy, sorrow, grief
fractured realms, let me in
to see it all, I float into the bright abyss
At home, yet somewhere new
filling the deep, alley winding, story telling
She's me. I am her.
We are one, yet, so much of the time
is spent apart.
I wasn't sure whether to write this, but whenever I am the most nervous of sharing, I know it's when I have to.
I'm not sure whether you'll connect with this or if it'll push you away as a reader, client or practitioner. But I want to write in an authentic way.
As 2024 expands in front of me, I feel over whelmed, by the things I'm longing to welcome, the things I need to change and things I need to stop or let go of.
I am tired, I have grown tired, of some parts of my industry, I have at times felt lost. Am I able to speak my truth, have I peeked behind the curtain of truth? Where is my passion and where does it lie?
I shared (above) a poem I've written, having stepped back on to the creative path, I hope this year, to evolve and share my words and grow, learn and expand. Part of this ramble, is the frustration, and exhaustion over the echo chamber that is becoming the wellness industry. Some of the words being so magical, but others so toxic. I encounter some damaging practices, boundary pushing and harmful language.
It grows more and more infused with capitalism and 'fix yourself quick' ideas. There is not enough attention and investigation into safe practices, when dealing with trauma, grief and the depth of what it means to be human.
I also realise, I am part of this. I am passionate about what I do, I believe in my calling, and we live in a society that has to exchange money in order to provide a service, whether thats a yoga class or a deep healing. I see my part and dance around it with care and consideration.
I guess, this blog post, is about how things will evolve this year, or perhaps over the next few for me. I want to be saying different things, I don't want to be repeating what every other sound healer is saying, I want to journey further into my yoga practice and continue to grow, most Eastern than Western. So, if you're willing, to join me on this journey, hopefully, you'll be open to hear my words, my poetry, maybe my voice, my sound, my song.
I also hope to deepen my education, I am in the fragile, vulnerable early stages of 'The Artists Way' again, having done it in my 20's, I'm doing it again in my 30's. Pulling back the layers to come home to myself. I have a strong calling to go back to education, I hope to study mental health, mindfulness, I hope to be qualified as a therapist and join all my loves together.
I am passionate about mental health, the study of being human fascinates me.
And maybe that's why I feel so lost at times in the wellness word. I do not practice with crystals, I do not call on angels, I am not a life coach. I think all these things are magic in their own way, but it makes me feel lacking, 'should I be this way'... I do, draw the magic, but the science into it too.
I also, do not expect you to come to yoga in matching leggings and crop top, I do not expect you to hold the perfect posture, or push you into shapes you aren't meant to get into. I will ask you to breathe, a lot. I will ask you to reflect. And if you are stuggling mentally, I will be there, but I will also suggest you seek medical help. A therapist or doctor.
I think our wellbeing is multifaceted. I also think a huge part is also missing, as we get more and more involved with ourselves and levelling up, we forget about our neighbours, community and how we rise up as a collective. Toe the line, between caring and co-dependency, is hard. But we are healing not just for ourselves but for those around us, for mother nature, who my goodness needs us more than ever to wake up and to heal for generations to come further down the line.
I will continue to try to show up authentically, and trust that those who are truly my clients, friends and retreat goers are here for a reason, that we connect in a deep way, that there is deep profound respect for one another.
My heart beats as I press publish, but at least I am listening to her, at least I can feel her.