I find myself staring out of the window, to the grey January skies. I have decided to shun the push for an overhaul in the middle of winter. However, I do think it’s a lovely time of year to ‘wipe the slate clear’ and think of what I’d like to call in this year.
Sometimes this makes me a little frantic, longing for things, dreaming and then wondering how on earth I’ll make it happen. My inner hope and determination perhaps battered by the external narratives of fear, worry and lack.
But for me this year is about routine, order, a strong mind that’s cultivated through showing up for myself. Again and again, stepping onto my yoga mat, meditation and booking sound healings. I will make time, so I can sit in a place of peace and abundance.
I find myself typing the same words, but I think they are the ones I long for, fill my heart and mean the most to me. I’d like you to find some words, to hold close to your brave hearts. To move through the year with integrity and grace.
I greeted this year with a lightness, a warmth and fuller sense of love in my heart. The year ended in a much better place than it started. I'm not talking perfect or stress free. But I allowed myself to feel grateful for the things that had worked, the love, friendship and journey of the last year.
As I slipped into this first week back thought, I was nervous, anxious thoughts pinging through my mind at 4am.... my to-do list was a little too long, and how I run my business means I have to rely on so many external factors that are not in my control. A rather large lesson in itself..
My stomach churns and with that comes the judgement.... "why am I not calmer, more chilled or able to let things fall away". I realise because I care. I care so much that my business works, I care that people keep on turning up, that I help them heal and I care that I don't have to close and start over because things have just got too tough. That I am here to serve. This is my calling.
I swing between two posts in my life, and I am on a mission to sit 'in the middle' more often, able to weather the storm with more trust that I am on my path. I feel I am in a place on integrity, and truth but boy it can feel scary at times.
This place in the middle I talk of, is actually rather dull, they talk of it in Taoism, the pendulum swinging constantly, but actually we want to keep is as still as we can, calm, steady, unmoved - hanging in the middle of time and space. But they also say it's a bit boring - this middle place. No drama, No intensity just calm. But I feel I need this, when I have a good month, or when I have a bad month. The pendulum might get nudged, but I need to bring it back. Sturdy, sure, just hanging out 'in the middle'.
And I believe this is created through practice, regular dedicated practice. Showing up for yourself, learning, growing, daring, trying, failing, laughing, being your fullest expression. Brene Brown calls it 'living big'. It can feel uncomfortable, tricky, and awkward. It often means pushing through discomfort - I guess you all know the resistance you might feel towards doing a home yoga practice or work out session after xmas, that is discomfort and resistance and is an integral part of the yoga journey. Found in the Niyamas or Koshas of yogic texts. discipline, self observation and dedication. The stronger our minds and bodies, the more resilient.
I finally feel and perhaps realise that this year I don't want to be in 'reactive mode'. But prepared mode. I've been surviving and healing from the traumas passed to me these last 3 years. I've been using my spiritual practice as a tool kit to survive, be ok, well enough and not crumble. But this year, I'd really love to return to a place where I feel I have a steady baseline of wellness, so I can start to rise up a little, to the crown chakra, to the divine, to expression and creativity and POSSIBILITY.
I hope my ramble has made some sense, and brings you some comfort and hope for the year ahead.
I will continue to call in compassion for myself when I'm not able to be as cool as a yogic cucumber. I will step out of the trance of self deprecating internal conversations. I will sit in a space and call in abundance, security and love.
What will you do this year?
How do you want to feel?
Take care of you. Josephine x