As we have had the last full moon of the year, The Solstice beckons and Christmas twinkles in the distance. I am asked by the powers that be to reflect on the year just gone. What can I let go of? What can I forgive? What can I draw in more of... how can I find more JOY!
And in the truly honest and candid way I try to share, here we go. I've only shared one idea, otherwise I'd be keeping you here for hours. I hope it can offer some support and comfort.
So, what could I let go of? I'd say stress... (the thing that plagues our societies and is the biggest drain of energy). I look back on how it makes me tired, how I can hustle, try hard and strive, yet worry and stress still nibbles at my heels.
And really, as I write the word stress, I really mean ‘fear’… often anxiety, stress and worry are the veil we throw over deeper emotions or experiences. So, how can I move through this life with less fear? worry… the dance with the mind continues.
Within this acknowledgment, I try and find compassion... I had to flip my business on its head, and step away from my dream. I had to form a new direction and path while managing grief and big things in my life ending. But from the sadness and lessons, came more sound. I was called to journey deeper a year or so ago. I had to add on something alongside yoga, meditation, and journaling. It was sometimes the only thing that made me feel ok, held, and safe. This year, sound has taken me deeper and to more profound vistas than I thought possible. I've been held by ancient trees, roared as a Viking, revealed my heart, and released trauma held in my body. All through sound.
This year I have felt hopeful, but also alone. Single and wanting to find out who I am, releasing patterns of self-abandonment, and calling in modes of healing to step onto a new path. When we are taking time to look within and hold our actions and experiences delicately, there are moments of such peace and clarity. But also moments of heaviness, and darkness. When we are forced to look at the parts we truly would love to ignore. But once we see clearly with truth we can progress, or let go and expand our hearts and love. In the teaching of yoga, this is called Satya, for the truth will really set us free, even if it is a bit scary and hard to look at, at first.
When I am reactive, my mind wanders into stories and with it survival mode, stress, and worry are present. It has stolen my sleep, taken my energy, and affected my health. I am not ashamed of this. I am doing my best, but this last month, I have been more honest with myself, there has been an enough is enough moment. So I am asking for help, I am practicing my yoga and meditation every day and creating (through sound) freedom and a bigger perspective.
So, when I look at the truth, really see the situations I find myself in, the present moment. I am calm. I know I will be ok. Because I've always had to pick myself up, dust myself down and forge ahead. But mainly, I have started to find myself again on the yoga mat.
I have also turned back to the philosophy of yoga, the parts that in the West we have left behind but really where the magic happens. The more I witness my thoughts as just that, thoughts, there is a freedom, as the veil is lifted, and I experience a deeper connection. I ask the questions, how can I serve rather than what do I want? What am I experiencing that is reality or an illusion I've created... when we find space within our mind and thoughts, we are liberated, free for a moment or two.
Our relationship with our practices ebb and flow. But truly stepping back into the space where I am on my mat again has granted me joy, peace, perspective, freedom and ultimately less sodding stress.
I could continue to write about forgiveness, but I think that's one for my journal....
Perhaps take a moment this month to reflect, journal, find peace in rituals and quiet moments of care.
Have a wonderful Christmas and a buoyant New Year.