Often in the waves of reflection post full moon, I get some insight and messages from my subconscious, the burning of my 'letting go list' often helps draw in some clarity too.
So, asking for help.
Hyper-independence is when an individual is extremely self-reliant and avoids going to other people for support or help. It can also stem from a stress response in individuals with trauma
There's a chance this happened during childhood, or throughout your life you've had to weather being let down and now, it feels "safer" to rely on yourself.
I would say, asking for help is hard and I would argue the way our society has evolved has made it even harder. I was thinking about how during the crisis of the pandemic we helped each other or asked for help with more ease, everyone wanted to help. We also had slightly more time and we were banded together by something bigger than us.
But since then, life has felt faster, harder, restricted and challenging for many. For lots of us we probably want to help more, but the pace of life makes it challenging. Let alone reaching out for support.
A recent survey from Stanford University: Some people may fear that asking for help would make them appear incompetent, weak, or inferior – recent research from Stanford doctoral student Kayla Good finds that children as young as seven can hold this belief. Some people are concerned about being rejected, which can be embarrassing and painful.
But for us(women and especially mothers), we are used to doing it all. communities can be hard to find and often we might be afraid to ask, for fear of getting a no, or possibly being let down or being judged.
When we get let down, this might trigger past trauma, hurt or memories. Reaffirming a past bias or narrative.
For some asking for help doesn’t even occur to them.Â
I am not a psychologist. But I have seen tears fall, the minute someone(usually my female clients) get told they are enough, they can let go, they can lean on me for support.Â
I have seen people's faces soften, and deep breaths being taken.
People slipping into sleep and rest which has been elusive for a very long time.Â
I know what it’s like to feel on your own, proud of how independent you are. I have always found it really hard to ask for help, and when I did I was met with huge anxiety and often tears.
But in the wake of the bright gold beams of the moon, I challenge myself to expand, be strong, weather the disappointments, because that is where the love lies. I have made such wonderful connections from asking for help.
Re-write the past. For me, I'm starting safe, and positive, by seeking some professional help, therapy and also business support and advice.
Where does this all lie... in honesty, SELF WORTH. The same lessons coming up again and again. We are worthy of support and help. We are all worthy of community and helping EACH OTHER.
THIS is why I do what I do.
This year, is the year of connection, trust, community, asking for help, allowing space for vulnerability. For that is where the healing lies and the magic gets happened into existence.
*If you are struggling with your mental health and need support, DM me and I can send you some links to local organisations too.
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